Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
