i permit you to call me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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