We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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