she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
