On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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