Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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