"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
