I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are my feet made of real feet?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
