So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
