Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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