So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
