I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
