oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
