there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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