I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's always time for handjobs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
