I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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