My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
