clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
