Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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