then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
