Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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