If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
