We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
