I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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