a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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