I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
