Whod you bang
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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