i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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