i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
