I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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