What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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