I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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