I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
