it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
