I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
