dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
