oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
