Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
