I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she told me i tasted like america
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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