The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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