Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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