Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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