I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
