Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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