I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
