her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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