When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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