3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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