When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
