I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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