I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
